If you look in the dictionary for the definition of "insecure", here is what you find :
"Insecure people lack confidence and are uncertain about their own abilities and about whether other people really like them".
I guess this is me !!!! And I have so many ways to prove that it is so me:
Friday night, I freaked out during my guitar class (once again) because even though I have been practicing during the week, I was not able to play an single note correctly. I got so pissed I thought Hung would run away. I always feel very bad because it is not his fault and he should therefore not have to bare my mood. But I have deep inside this feeling that he won't keep giving me lessons. I love to be with him as we discuss about thousands different things. But I am always afraid he does not see my "good" side and gets tired of my humors. I also wonder if I will be one day able to play something. Winnie keeps telling me to take it easy but I want so badly to be able to play that I focus like crazy. Music has a very important role in my life. I am always surrounded by music and I am sick of only listening. I also want to play !
Saturday night, we went, Winnie, Idoia and I to this house party. It was quite nice and I had a good time. Until people I was discussing with left and I stayed alone. Idoia and Winnie were discussing on their side with someone else and as I did not follow the discussion from the beginning, I stayed on my side. I felt very sick of being alone (even though I excluded myself) and decided to leave, eventhough I could have stayed longer as I did not want to go home (despite a big headache).
Sunday, I received a message from Winnie. She was asking Idoia and I about our plan for lunch. I don't know why but I got a bit pissed to be always together with Idoia. No misunderstanding: I really appreciate Idoia because she is cute, smart and so nice. She is really sweet. But I think this is the problem: she is a great person and I have to admit I am afraid of being faded away by her shadow... No, I am not a 5 years old kid who argues with his friends in the backyard of the kindergarden ... I am a 26 years old grown up lady and I am very very very ashamed of these feelings. But I have to express them in order to get rid of them !
To get back to Idoia, Winnie and her are getting along very well and they spend more and more time together. And I guess it is fair. I also spend some time with her and I appreciate it. But I feel threaten and I am really afraid Winnie will get tired of my moody mood and turn her back to me to spend more time with Idoia... And Winnie is definitely my best friend here in Vietnam and I don't want to look for anyone else...
In the same time, I don't want Winnie to feel unconfortable if she tries to have Idoia and I together. She should not have to choose between friends and I should not be so demanding...
Sunday, regular night in Yoko. Except that it was not regular at all as it was Hung's birthday. All his friends came, even from Danang and Nha Trang. The band played great and after his friends and family gathered together. It is exactly the time we, Idoioa, Winnie and I, decided to disappear. But I was just shutting the door of the bar when Hung runned after me and asked me to share this time with him and everyone. I felt very honored and even if I did not feel very confortable, I went back inside with the girls. We had a great time and I could see joy and happiness glowing from Hung's face. I had this feeling deep inside that no matter what happens in life, you should always have your friends around you to protect you and reassure you when you need... And I am very very very afraid to wake up one day all alone...

C'est grave docteur ?